Shagnasty TM SM

"Radio Doctor"

 

"Radio Doctor"

This is true...I heard a doctor on the radio state that eating 25 eggs a day can make a man be able to have sex like when he was 18 yrs. of age. The doctor, I think, is 77 yes. old. First, I wonder if he clucks now? Second...is sex worth eating 25 eggs per day? Third, what woman wants to have sex with a guy who keeps leaving sulfur farts?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Quint"

 

"Quint"

The captain of the ship in the movie, "Jaws" was named Quint (Robert Shaw). If you asked "Quint" 3 questions, what would his replies be?

1) You: "My car just broke down, Quint! What can I do?"

Quint: "Have you got any Chum handy, lad?"

2) You: "My girlfriend broke up with me, Quint! What should I do?"

Quint: "Rub some Chum on her, lad."

3) You: "Wants for dinner, Captain?"

Quint: "Chumburgers and a side order of fried tentacles. The dessert is that of jellyfish pie, lad. I like to keep the crew happy!

You: "Umm, respectively, sir, I believe you should be keelhauled."

Quint: "Go Chum yourself, lad."

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagbnasty

 

"Is?"

 

"Is?"

Is Richard Dreyfus a cross between Paul Newman and Alfred Newman?

Good evening, world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

"Egg"

 

"Egg"

If you had "egg on your face" would you eat it or save it for later to give to someone else?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                     Shagnasty

"Hair"

 

"Hair"

Is Crystal Gayle related to Rapunzel?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"False"

 

"False"

Are false teeth as fake as a "falsey bra"? At least, you can use false teeth, you know.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

'Hung"

 

"Hung"

Does "well-hung" mean thoroughly dead?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Cougars"

 

"Cougars"

If an old woman has sex with a young man she is accepted as a "cougar". If an old man has sex with a young woman, he is accepted into prison.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                      Shagnasty

"Goatee"

 

"Goatee"

Why do so many old men grow "goatees"? Is that their last shot at being "cool"...or do they wish to look more like a Billy Goat Gruff than they already are?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

 

"Bald"

 

"Bald"

Why have men always been afraid of becoming bald...until now? Now it seems all men want to be bald and they actually pay barbers to make them that way? Holy potato salad, Batman!

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Crappy"

 

"Crappy"

Does your life ever seem like a filthy gas station toilet in Alabama during the 1950s? Flush it.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Change"

 

"Change"

My Novellette/Novella's title has changed from "Dusk till Dawn" to "Fire by Proxy". Click on the page by the name of "Fire by Proxy".

Thanks.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

 

"Need to Know"

 

"Need to Know"

Are Basketballs made from Baskets? Are Footballs made from Feet?

Are Softballs made from Charmin Toilet Tissue? It's important for me to know such.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Shagnasty's Entry #1"

 

"Shagnasty's Entry #1"

Also, to be found on "Shagnasty's Broken Hearts Club Land" page on this website.

My first wife had every Biblical reason to divorce me because I committed adultery against her 7 yrs. into our marriage. I did that because our love was for shit at the time...I regret what I did, now. We stayed together for another 8 yrs. after my indiscretion. When she left me, she said to me, "Paybacks are hell!" She never forgot my infidelity. We were married for 16 yrs. when the divorce went through. Don't get me wrong here....I would never want to re-marry my first ex. I'm not in love with her at all, and I don't even like her anymore, though I struggle just to love her just as a person.

 

We were unequally yoked within marriage, as she was an atheist.

During our separation she told me, "F... you and your God too!" I was hoping God would strike her dead for that but such was not to occur.

 

When I married her she was but 19 and beautiful. I was 21 yrs. of age. I am now 64 years old and my first wife is 62 years of age. I saw a recent photo of her on the internet. She has become chubby and is not aging very gracefully. My carnal nature tends me to wish her to deteriorate. Her beauty was fleeting and her heart remains as cold as ever. A loss, for me, however, a good riddance as well.

 

Don't marry for looks; marry for spiritual compatibility. Choose a person with an honest and good heart to marry. A good-looking individual's appearance will fade in time. Wait until you find "a heart of gold"...*that's* enough treasure for a *lifetime*!

 

There were no divorced between my mum and dad nor did my grandparents divorce each other.

 

Because my first marriage ended within Biblical grounds, I was free to remarry. Before I divulge such, please read that which follows:

My second wife's mother left her husband (my second wife's father). She committed adultery against him so he had Biblical grounds to re-marry...which he did. 

 

Now, concerning my second marriage. My second wife's first husband died rather young, so she was a widow when I married her. We had the Biblical right to marry, as both of our previous marriages were dissolved within God's sight.

 

My second marriage lasted about 8 years. Then, my wife pulled the rug out from under my feet and abandoned me...and after a couple of years, she divorced me. She divorced me for NON-BIBLICAL reasons. Yet, there's nothing I can do about that, though I'm in love with her still. Her being 2 years older than me has made her no wiser than me.

 

Be CAUTIOUS, getting involved in a marital situation. Comprehend the actions of the parents of your betrothed...chances are, your loved one will act out what their

parents have performed in their past. 

 

If you have intelligence...do not marry a person who discourages you! Do not put up with disrespect. Cancel the black-hearted from your list of potential spouses, as not doing such might cause you severe pain in the future.

 

Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

 

"Seriously"

 

"Seriously"

Wouldn't you like to kick Ronald McDonald through the "Golden Arches" of life?

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Dingleberry Pie"

 

"Dingleberry Pie"

Do *not* eat Dingleberry Pie, even if no other desert is available! I've heard it tastes like shit!

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Colloquial"

 

"Colloquial"

If you tell someone you're being colloquial within your "every day speech" are you flirting with redundancy?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Pants"

 

"Pants"

If you had 3 legs, which leg would put in your pants first?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                      Shagnasty

"Although:"

 

"Although"

Although I love circuses, I hate clowns...and I hope they all drop dead.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Circus"

 

"Circus"

I love the smell and the ambience of a Circus. I believe Ringling Brothers/Barnum Bailey went out of business. Shame.

Good evening,world.

                                                                      Shagnasty 

Shagnasty's Broken Hearts Club Land

 

Shagnasty’s Broken Hearts Club Land

 

Share your broken heart story.

This Blog is completely FREE to use.

Simply post and wait for replies.

Never know who you’ll meet.

Make your misery useful, and remember you’re not the only one in love alone.

This announcement is NOT a joke.

Just go to the page on this website, entitled, “Shagnasty’s Broken Hearts Club Land”.

This page is not intended to be a social dating service, though we shall see how it evolves. You’ll never know until you take that chance.

You have nothing to lose, as it’s my bandwidth you’ll be using for free. This website costs money out of my own pocket, so please, feel free to *donate* here. Thanks.

 

All posts incorporating foul language or rude conduct, and/or lewd photos, etc. will be deleted by the webmaster.

Play Nice!

                                                                        Shagnasty 

"Dusk Till Dawn"

 

"Dusk Till Dawn"

{Least To Last}

Follow this short story written by Shagnasty (David R Moenich), should you care to. There is a link on this site named, "Dusk Till Dawn" for your convenience.

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Wise?"

 

"Wise?"

Why does the "wise, old owl" ask, "Who?!?". You'd think it would know *who*!

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Picnics"

 

"Picnic"

To short-stop a picnic you never wished to attend...keep a few jars of Cicadas on hand to release.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Trimmings"

 

"Trimmings""

Does the country of Turkey have stuffing?

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Vacation"

 

"Vacation"

Every time you leave your residence, you are vacating the premises. Every vacation, however, is not a holiday.

Good evening, world.

                                                                      Shagnasty

                  

"Cheap/Expensive"

 

"Cheap/Expensive"

"Talk is cheap." Slander can be expensive.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Last ray of Hope"

 

"Last ray of Hope"

If your "last ray of hope" comes from a "ray gun" or "death ray", you're pretty much screwed.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Flash Fiction"

 

"Flash Fiction"

Flash Fiction is a form of writing, consisting of 53-1000 words. You may accomplish "Verbal Flash Fiction" simply by talking to a friend, trying to explain why you haven't been an asshole when you know that were an asshole.

Good evening, world.

                                                                       Shagnasty

 

"Out of Words"

 

"Out of Words"

A woman of few words is an accident waiting to happen.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Impossibilities"

 

"Impossibilities"

It's said trying to nail jello to the wall is impossible. But trying to staple pudding to the wall seems a much more difficult endeavor.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Life"

 

"Life"

Life is too short to procrastinate realizing success.

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Dried"

 

"Dried"

If they can make beef Jerky, why can't they make chicken Jag-off?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Vegatarian?"

 

"Vegetarian?"

Are you truly a vegetarian, if you eat Kidney Beans?

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"X-Ray Vision"

 

"X-Ray Vision"

Seeing as Superman had X-Ray Vision, did he spend a lot of time in women's clothing stores?

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Dead or Alive"

 

"Dead or Alive"

If you died, and then, you were revived...would you then haunt yourself?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Glutton for Punishment"

 

"Glutton for Punishment"

Next time someone irritates you, instead of saying to them, "Bite me."... why not tell them, "Poke me in the eyes." You might be surprised how many times they will eagerly oblige you.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Gumby"

 

"Gumby"

Does Gumby have any true social value?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Marbles"

 

"Marbles"

If you "lost all of your marbles", would you then shoot "craps".

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty 

"Navy Beans"

 

"Navy Beans"

Why are citizens who have never been in the armed forces permitted to eat Navy Beans?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Hansel & Gretel"

 

"Hansel & Gretel"

Was it the intention to turn Hansel & Gretel into Cancel & Pretzel?

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"No holds Bard"

 

"No holds Bard"

Shakespeare's works are "eloquent" political hacking. Perhaps, the Bard should have been "impeached".

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Baker's Dozen"

 

"Baker's Dozen"

If a "baker's dozen" is 13, who's the cheap bastard who bakes and gives you only 12?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Batch"

 

"Batch"

How many cookies are in a batch?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Endangered Species"

 

'Endangered Species"

If you were bald and had a big nose ("eagle beak"), would you be considered an endangered species? 

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Who"

 

"Who"

Do owls like the Who? What?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Yellow Snow"

 

"Yellow Snow"

If you purchased a yellow-colored snow cone would you trust the flavor is lemon?

"Don't eat the yellow snow".

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Brasses"

 

"Brasses"

Does a bugle envy a trumpet, and does a coronet really give a shit?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Comparisons"

 

"Comparisons"

Comparing braunschweiger and liverwurst is not the same as comparing apples and oranges.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Duck"

 

"Duck"

If you step on a duck, does it really fart...or does it just quack loudly?

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Heads"

 

"Heads"

If you had two heads, would you argue with each other?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Shoes?"

 

"Shoes?"

If don't play tennis or sneak around, why do wear Tennis Shoes or Sneakers?

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Bark"

 

"Bark"

If a dog pissed on your leg, would you bark at it?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnsty

"Choices"

 

"Choices"

Would you rather have a viola or a cello? Would you choose an oboe or a bassoon? So many choices to be made in life!

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Spell-Checker"

 

"Spell-Checker"

Fi oyu anc arde hist ywh lsohud I seu "Spell-Checker"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Gof"

 

"Gof"

Who stole the "L" out of the word GOLF?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"What's in a Name?"

 

"What's in a Name?

What's the difference between Baloney and Bologna?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

                 

"Finnish"

 

"Finnish"

Do people from Finland ever "finnish" what they start?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Training"

 

"Training"

Can you be trained to fart in the key of Fb or F#, using an F Clef performed in fartissimo?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Biting"

 

"Biting"

Do midgets bite giants on the bum when the giants are preoccupied eating other midgets?

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Poetic"

 

"Poetic"

Did Edgar Allen Poe induce bad dreams upon himself with the opium he smoked so he could give us nightmares too and make some side money on his way to the mortuary, crypt, or mausoleum? 

Good evening, world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

"Humility"

 

"Humility"

 Humility need not be humiliating.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Immorality"

 

"Immorality"

All immorality is immoral.

Good evening, world.

                                                                        Shagnasty

"Comparison?"

 

"Comparison?"

Are Milton's "Paradise Lost" and Alighien's "Dante's Inferno" writings similar analogies or somewhat conflicting views concerning ultimate, insecure views of our fate?

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Tires"

 

"Tires"

Do your tires ever wear you out?

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Braggadocio"

 

"Braggadocio"

Boasting reigns supreme on FaceBook...the new "hall of fame" of braggarts.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Marx Brothers"

 

"Marx Brothers"

There were 5 Marx Brothers...Groucho, Harpo, Chico, Zeppo, and Gummo. That is true. Was Grouchy Grouchy? Could Harpo play the harp...or, at least, a harmonica? Was Zeppo named after a cigarette lighter? What did Gummo gum? And the most perplexing...was Chico part Chiuhauha?

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Vigilantes"

 

"Vigilantes"

Are vigilantes vigilant about caring out injustice concerning their own "violations"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                       Shagnasty

"Musical Term"

 

"Musical Term"

The musical term, "Fagott", is a German word meaning Bassoon. It is also defined as "a reed stop in the organ".

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Round"

 

"Round"

Why are so many things round?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Simians"

 

"Monkeys"

Do monkeys "go ape" over other simians?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Cap Gun"

 

"Cap Gun"

Does a Cap Gun wear a hat?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Ben"

 

"Ben"

If Benjamin Franklin was such a great American, why is his currency worth only $50.50?

Good evening, world.

                                                         Shagnasty

"Relate"

 

"Relate"

If "nothing is as it seems", can you relate?

Good evening, world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

"Torch"

 

"Torch"

If you "carry a torch" for too long, does your "old flame" burn you?

Good evening, world.

                                                                      Shagnasty

"Melting"

 

"Melting"

Snowflakes and marriages seem to melt at the same rate, these days. Blame it on "global warming" and "matrimonial cooling".

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Ass Kick"

 

"Ass Kick"

If you could kick yourself in the ass for something stupid you did...would you do that?...really?

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Divorce"

 

"Divorce"

If  you decide to divorce your spouse, why not leave yourself instead...because that is exactly what you're doing anyway?

Good evening, world.

                                                                        Shagnasty

"Gambling"

 

"Gambling"

Life, itself, is a gamble. So why is gambling illegal within so many regions of this country?

Good evening, world.

                                                                 Shagnasty

"Hormone"

 

"Hormone"

Do you know how to make a hormone?  Don't pay her.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Good Grief"

 

"Good Grief"

"When you disseminate, using platitudinous salutations....do you receive  "incongruous" results for your microbial, superficial attempt at rhetorical "pleasantries"?

Have a nice day."

Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Box"

 

"Box"

"Some people think outside of the box, some people think inside of the box...but I don't even know where the damned box *IS*!"

                                                                              - unknown author

Good evening, world.

                                                        Shagnasty

"Positive Thinking"

 

"Positive Thinking?"

Bet John Lennon was great at parties until he broke into,..."The eagle picks my eye, The worm he licks my bone,...Feel so suicidal...". I liked, "I Should Have Known Better" better.

<can we go home now, honey?!>

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

 

"Mystery"

 

"Mystery"

When Sgt. Peppers Lonely Eggmen Band was released...were the members of that band fried or scrambled? Yes, the song, entitled, I Am The Golfball was released on a different album,...the question remains...were they round or oval? Such a magical, mystery tour. Were these lads insects, egg people, walruses or what?

"Mocking"

 

"Mocking"

Can you mock a mockingbird?

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Such a Mystery,...not."

 

"Such a mystery,...not"

There is one word I've used in almost every one of the 200 songs I've written. I know you don't give a flying crap...but do you know what that word is...and why I use it extensively in my songwriting?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Umm?"

 

"Huh?"

What the hell did you just say?! Do walruses eat eggs or am I missing something here? Is this idiosyncratic genius or was it Purple Haze, Yellow Sunshine, Orange Sunburst, or White Lightening which prompted this song?

"I Am The Walrus"
("Magical Mystery Tour" Version)

I am he
As you are he
As you are me
And we are all together

See how they run
Like pigs from a gun
See how they fly
I'm crying

Sitting on a cornflake
Waiting for the van to come
Corporation tee shirt
Stupid bloody Tuesday
Man, you been a naughty boy
You let your face grow long

I am the eggman (Ooh)
They are the eggmen, (Ooh)
I am the walrus
Goo goo g' joob

Mister city p'liceman sitting pretty
Little p'licemen in a row
See how they fly
Like Lucy in the sky
See how they run
I'm crying
I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying

Yellow matter custard
Dripping from a dead dog's eye
Crabalocker fishwife pornographic priestess
Boy you been a naughty girl
You let your knickers down

I am the eggman (Ooh)
They are the eggmen (Ooh)
I am the walrus
Goo goo g' joob

Sitting in an English
Garden waiting for the sun
If the sun don't come
You get a tan from standing in the English rain

I am the eggman
They are the eggmen
I am the walrus
Goo goo g' joob g' goo goo g' joob

Expert texpert choking smokers
Don't you think the joker laughs at you?
See how they smile
Like pigs in a sty, see how they snied
I'm crying

Semolina pilchards
Climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Element'ry penguin singing Hare Krishna
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe

I am the eggman (Ooh)
They are the eggmen (Ooh)
I am the walrus
Goo goo g' joob
Goo goo g' joob
G' goo goo g' joob
Goo goo g' joob, goo goo g' goo g' goo goo g' joob joob
Joob joob...

 "I Am The Walrus"
("Magical Mystery Tour" Version)

I am he
As you are he
As you are me
And we are all together

See how they run
Like pigs from a gun
See how they fly
I'm crying

Sitting on a cornflake
Waiting for the van to come
Corporation tee shirt
Stupid bloody Tuesday
Man, you been a naughty boy
You let your face grow long

I am the eggman (Ooh)
They are the eggmen, (Ooh)
I am the walrus
Goo goo g' joob

Mister city p'liceman sitting pretty
Little p'licemen in a row
See how they fly
Like Lucy in the sky
See how they run
I'm crying
I'm crying, I'm crying, I'm crying

Yellow matter custard
Dripping from a dead dog's eye
Crabalocker fishwife pornographic priestess
Boy you been a naughty girl
You let your knickers down

I am the eggman (Ooh)
They are the eggmen (Ooh)
I am the walrus
Goo goo g' joob

Sitting in an English
Garden waiting for the sun
If the sun don't come
You get a tan from standing in the English rain

I am the eggman
They are the eggmen
I am the walrus
Goo goo g' joob g' goo goo g' joob

Expert texpert choking smokers
Don't you think the joker laughs at you?
See how they smile
Like pigs in a sty, see how they snied
I'm crying

Semolina pilchards
Climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Element'ry penguin singing Hare Krishna
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe

I am the eggman (Ooh)
They are the eggmen (Ooh)
I am the walrus
Goo goo g' joob
Goo goo g' joob
G' goo goo g' joob
Goo goo g' joob, goo goo g' goo g' goo goo g' joob joob
Joob joob...

 

"Guitars"

 

"Guitars"

Why do guitars have 6 strings on them, while you only have 5 fingers on your fret hand?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Disclaimer"

 

"Disclaimer"

Is a disclaimer a derisive way of saying you don't know what the hell you're talking about?

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Ice Box"

 

"Ice Box"

If your wife had an ice box, would she be "frigid"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Simple Things in Life"

 

"Simple Things in Life"

Simple things in life? I prefer *simpletons* because they're too stupid to know what an asshole I truly am.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Nose"

 

"Noses"

If you ate your own boogies and lied about it, would your nose grow like Pinocchio's grew? Then you could eat more of your own boogies than ever before. Think I'm making myself nauseated. Please, be advised it is a not a good breakfast idea for elementary school children to eat their own boogies and white school paste. In fact, they should always refrain from such activities. BTW, I have *never* eaten my own boogies, and I have no plans to start doing such in the future. "Heavens to murgatroyd,...even!" - Snagglepuss.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Pine Apple"

 

"Pine Apple"

Why is my evergreen tree not producing apples? I haven't gotten one damn pine apple yet in years! What a rip-off!

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Poisonous Frog"

 

"Poisonous Frog"

If a poisonous frog bit you, would you "croak"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

'Baseball Bats"

 

"Baseball Bats"

Do Baseball Bats live in attics and chimneys and fly out at night?

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Hyperbole"

 

"Hyperbole"

Hyperbole is a useful rhetorical tool used to cover up your inept ability to convey proper text or speech, i.e., "She is as fat as a cow." Hyperbole is simply figuratively-speaking, and I say this *literally-speaking*. It is similar to simile yet smile.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Simile Example"

 

"Simile Example"

"My ex wife is much *like* unto a rotten piece of fruit."

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Metaphor"

 

"Metaphor"

A stinky example of a metaphor is such..."I inadvertently picked up a bag of shit from life's sanitation facility."

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Moths"

 

"Moths"

Are moths low-income butterflies?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Rome"

 

"Rome"

Would Rome have burned had Nero's fiddle been in tune?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                     Shagnasty

"Cool"

 

"Cool"

Everybody thinks you're "cool", until you're *cold*.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Relationships"

 

"Relationships"

If you can "FALL in love",....can you "TRIP in infatuation"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Etiquette"

 

"Etiquette"

If someone pulled your pants down to embarrass you...would you pull their head off to humiliate them?

Good evening, world.

                                                              Shagnasty

"Necks"

 

"Necks"

If you had 2 necks...what would you do with the spare one?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                          Shagnasty

"Flying"

 

"Flying"

If you could fly to the moon under your own power, would you fly to the Florida Keys instead?

Good evening, world.

                                                             Shagnasty

"Radio Motor Mouths"

 

"Radio Motor Mouths"

It's difficult to believe these "radio motor mouths" can actually make a living being obnoxious. Talk show hosts. Listen to some music or leave the house...anything to escape their endless hours of meaningless rhetoric.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Alcohol Problem"

 

"Alcohol Problem"

Anyone who likes beer has an alcohol problem...it's too expensive.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Vacations"

 

"Vacations"

When's the last time you heard an advertisement for a fabulous all-expenses paid vacation to Rhode Island or Delaware? Do these "exotic" places really exist?

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

'Emphatic"

 

"Emphatic"

Sometimes being overly emphatic makes you seem less important.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Analogy"

 

"Analogy"

If your life seems like a rogue turd stuck to the side of a toilet, maybe you'd better change "restrooms".

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

 

"Parable"

 

"Parable"

Is your life a parable of itself?

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Hell"

 

"Hell"

Call it what you wish...Gehenna, Sheol, Hades...it's all *hell*. Turn *right* before you go "south".

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Friend Disease"

 

"Friend Disease"

Can friends become a form of fungus?

"Friends hurt friends"      - author unknown

"You only hurt the ones you love"        - author unknown

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty 

"Pornography"

 

"Pornography"

Should pornography go screw itself? Yes.

Good evening, world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

"Women & Vowels"

 

"Women & Vowels"

Why is it so many women cannot pronounce vowels properly? A prime example is..."THINK you.", instead of "THANK you." Do they believe that's cute? I find it turd-like.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty 

"Botox"

 

"Botox"

Does Botox make you look younger, or is it just to make you look presentable shortly before cremation or burial?

Good evening, world.

                                                                  Shagnasty

"Proverb"

 

"Proverb"

There is a proverb..."An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." Does that speak of marijuana? Shameful, don't you think? Didn't think so...

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Love"

 

"Love"

When love hurts, can hatred mend it for you,..would that satisfy you?

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"New Castle"

 

"New Castle"

New Castle, Pennsylvania is the "Fireworks Capitol of the USA", thanks to the Zambelli Brothers, yet fireworks are illegal in PA! Thankfully, the Ohio border is only minutes away, where fireworks are legal! Bet no Pennsylvanians buy them, though, huh? Hee-hee-hee. We're allowed to have sparklers, and dumb shit like that...umm,...no thanks. 

"Triggernomitry"

 

"Triggernomitry"

Triggernomitry is knowing how to use  your firearms.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Enough!"

 

"Enough!"

During World War II, the USA would not have put up with this genocidal *bullshit*! You want to kill our little children now, you cowardly bastards?! Wake up, America...no guts; no glory! No balls; no victory! Read Ecclesiastes 3: 3 and 8. "Damn the torpedoes!" "Take no prisoners!".

"Olive Oyl"

 

"Olive Oyl"

What's up with this? Olive Oyl is single but has kids...and they sure look a lot like Popeye! And don't those kids call Popeye, "Uncle Popeye"? This is some sick shit!

Good evening, world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

"Useful Paper""

 

"Useful Paper"

You can make things from Construction Paper...what can you destroy with Destruction Paper?

Good evening, world.

                                                                        Shagnasty

"Pot Pies"

 

"Pot Pies"

Why can't you get high from eating "Pot Pies"? All you get is "burnt" in 2 ways!

Good evening, world.

                                                                Shagnasty

"Baroque"

 

"Baroque"

Baroque music can be eclectic...but not always aesthetic.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Russkies"

 

"Russkies"

Who gives a crap if it's the "Soviet Union" or the "Un-Soviet Union"?

Russia is Russia. Nikita Khruschev, during the "cold war" is quoted as having said, "We will bury you!", speaking to western ambassadors. Guess who's already been buried, jackass?!

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty 

Good evening, world,

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Diahrea"

 

"Diahrea"

Diahrea is "The Agony and The Excrement".

Good evening, world.

                                                                                       Shagnasty 

"Self-Righteous"

 

"Self-Righteous"

Self-righteousness is a form of spiritual hatred.

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Paper Shredder"

 

"Paper Shredder"

 A paper shredder's diet consists of accusatory, condemning evidence with a side order of ephemeral "vital" documentation.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                    Shagnasty

"Cooties"

 

"Cooties"

If you already have "Cooties", can you contract another strain of "Cooties" by interaction with  an individual harboring and infested with such?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Words"

 

"Words"

The word, supercalifragilisticexpialidocius, is used in an attempt to explain an indescribable feeling or event. Ambiguous is easier to use, and it doesn't make you sound like Mary Poppins.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                     Shagnasty

"Who is What?"

 

"Who is What?"

Are Dwight Yoakam and Mammy Yokum (L'il Abner) distantly related?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Back?

 

"Back?"

If you "work your balls off" can you buy them back with your paycheck?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty 

'Pissing"

 

"Pissing"

Someday, urination will probably be taxed...we only want our "clean" water to have fluoridation and chloridation within its chemical parameters. Piss on that.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

  

'Minus"

 

"Minus"

Is minus less than zero?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Dogs' Plight"

 

"Dogs' Plight"

Do people own dogs so when they entertain company and the host farts they can blame it on "Rover"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                    Shagnasty

"Old 'Yeller"

 

"Old 'Yeller"

Did "old 'yeller" loudly bitch people out on a regular basis?

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Pickled Nonsence"

 

"Pickled Nonsense"

Who was the gherkin-brain who named "Pickles"? "Pickles" are nothing more than seasoned, "marinated" Cucumbers. The originator of that term must, himself, have been "pickled".

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

 

 

"High Maintenance"

 

"High Maintenance"

If your woman is "high maintenance", shouldn't you have made certain there was a return clause in the policy when you "purchased" her?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Community Chest"

 

"Community Chest"

Why is "Community Chest" on the board game, Monopoly?

She lived right down the street from me.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Panties"

 

"Panties"

If your panties are "in a bunch"...maybe, it's time you changed them.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Pterodactyls"

 

"Pterodactyls"

Did Pterodactyls shit on windshields?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Boogeymen"

 

"Boogeymen"

Do Boogeymen eat their own boogies, are they made from boogies, or do they want to eat *your* boogies? What a complex quandary. If a Boogieman attacks you...blow your nose on a Kleenex and throw it to him...or kick it in the nuts.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Hypotenuse"

 

"Hypotenuse"

If you hypotenuse yourself, could you walk properly?

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Shoes"

 

"Shoes"

Why do men always think about having more sex, and women always think about having money for more shoes?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Guitar"

 

"Guitar"

Why is a guitar shaped like a woman's body with a dick for a neck?

Good evening, world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

'Bigfoot"

 

"Bigfoot"

Does Bigfoot only have one big foot, and its other foot is a dainty, ladies' size 5?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty 

"British "Cowboys""

 

"British "Cowboys""

Why do British "Cowboys", those individuals who love American Country Music, dress like the afterbirth of "the Old West"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                     Shagnasty

"Revenge"

 

"Revenge"

If someone steps on your big toe, should you bite their thumb?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

 

"Uncle Goopy"

 

"Uncle Goopy"

If your Uncle Goopy asks you to pull his finger...and then he farts...is it within etiquette to ask him to pull your lip...and then throw up on him?

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"A Heads-Up"

 

"A Heads-Up"

Bobcat Goldthwait has got to be the most entertaining and hilarious comedian alive today. He is brilliant within his "offensive" delivery.

Sam Kinison, deceased, was also way intriguing within the realm of comedy.

If their foul language scorches your ears,...simply, don't listen to their comedy.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

 

"E=mc2"

 

"E=mc2"

If Einstein's theory is correct can we reduce our relative mass by taking a shit? If,"E" equals kinetic energy of a body, and "m" is relative mass x the speed of light, squared (C2),...then, in theory, we should be able to reduce our mass by simply farting. *Relatively* speaking, of course.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Soft Drink?"

 

"Soft Drink"

When I was a kid, the soda pop, "Dr. Enough", had benzedrine in it. It tasted like the soft drink, "Squirt". It was very good, and then off to the races you went, speeding your little ass off!

True Fact!

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Cavemen"

 

"Cavemen"

Was Homo erectus horny?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

'Diapers"

 

"Diapers"

Why do dirty diapers smell like something the "Cabbage Patch Kids" left behind?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Hetero"

 

"Heteros"

If lesbians were gay, and gays were lesbians...we'd all be heterosexual.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                     Shagnasty

"Enlightening Names"

 

"Enlightening Names"

A Frump is a person who smells bicycle seats.

A Gorp is someone who farts in the bathtub and bites the bubbles.

Just thought I'd inform you.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Speeds"

 

"Speeds"

The speed of sound in the air is approx. 340 meters per second (approx. 4 times faster, in water). The speed of light is approx. 300,000,000 meters per second. So when you fart, you should be able to see it before you hear it. The speed of smell has not yet been determined, as far as I know.

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Dyslexic"

 

"Dyslexic"

If you were dyslexic could you read and spell the name "Bob"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Lottery"

 

"Lottery"

If you won the lottery...so you quit your job...would you buy more lottery tickets so you could win again and quit another job?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Time Travel"

 

"Time Travel"

If you could time-travel, would you be sorry if you chose the wrong year?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Diagonal"

 

"Diagonal"

If you went diagonal, would you be half-way between horizontal and vertical or would you be one half of a parallelogram?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Sideways"

 

"Sideways"

If up was down and down was up, would sideways still be the same?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Celibacy"

 

"Celibacy"

Celibacy is a sex-starved diet. Sex without marriage, however, is an appetite for starvation of your very soul.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Nudists"

 

"Nudists"

Should skanky-looking nudists be put on probation by their camps and beaches until they rehabilitate their bodies? BTW, when you meet a nudist do you look into their eyes...how?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Hindsight"

 

"Hindsight"

If hindsight is 20/20 then is foresight a rear-view mirror in the making?

Good evening, world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

"Backsliding"

 

"Backsliding"

Backsliding moves you but watch out behind yourself.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Snot"

 

"Snot"

If snot was edible we'd all have more than enough to eat.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Sometimes"

 

"Sometimes"

Sometimes, being in love is much like unto a turkey...you're only thankful for it once a year, and nobody wants the leftovers.

Good evening, world.

                                                                        Shagnasty 

"Dollars"

 

"Dollars"

Better to have had a dollar and lost it than to never have had a dollar at all.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                     Shagnasty

"Naked Truth"

 

"Naked Truth"

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

                                                                                - Mark Twain

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

 

 

"

 

 

 

"Swimming"

 

"Swimming"

Pissing in a pool you're swimming in is like spitting in the wind.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Basket Case"

 

"Basket Case"

A "basket case" is a container of laundry nobody wants to wash.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                        Shagnasty

"Friendly"

 

"Friendly"

If I had only one friend left, I'd want to be somebody I don't already know.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Toe Produce"

 

"Toe Produce"

We've all heard of Toe Jam but can we also create Toe Jelly and Toe Preserves?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                        Shagnasty

'Winning Friends"

 

"Winning Friends"

To win a friend, simply put a mouthful of cream of mushroom soup in your mouth and pretend to throw up on them. Works every time...if you don't feel like being bothered at present.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Clocks"

 

"Clocks"

Why did Salvador Dali paint melting clocks? Time must have been running out on his brain.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Plasterer"

 

"Plasterer"

If you're a Plasterer, does that mean you get other people drunk?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

'Names"

 

"Names"

If Willie Nelson had a sex change operation, would he change his name to Nellie Wilson?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Lightning"

 

"Lightning"

Does Lou Christie sing so high-pitched because "lightning struck him again"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Poo"

 

"Poo"

If a bird shit on your head, would you throw a turd at it?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

                                 

 

"Grasshoppers"

 

"Grasshoppers"

Do grasshoppers hop because they want to do such...or does something scare the crap out of them every 5 seconds...so they jump?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                        Shagnasty

"Flukes"

 

"Flukes"

Next time you get a "fluke" of good luck...remember a fluke is also a parasitic flatworm which can infest humans (trematodes of the genus Paralichthys). Have a nice day.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagansty

"Gardens"

 

"Gardens"

Smell the roses you already have. No sense planting a new garden...it won't smell any better than your present flowers.

Grow where you're planted.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Humpty Dumpty"

 

"Humpty Dumpty'

Did Humpty Dumpty eat scrambled eggs?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                    Shagnasty

Oh, not!'

 

"Oh, not!"

If you wipe your behind with sandpaper, will your ass be smoother?

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"When"

 

"When"

When a monkey tells you something...don't believe it. You probably don't know what you're talking about either.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Steps"

 

"Steps"

Watch your step, as you might Spring into Fall.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagansty

"Feet"

 

"Feet"

If you had 2 left feet, could you walk *right*?

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Coffeyville, Kansas"

 

"Coffeyville, Kansas"

Is Coffeyville, Kansas really in Columbia with Juan, the guy who picks one bean at a time?

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Zzzt"

 

"Zzzt!'

Why do Scottish people who roll their Rs sound like cicadas?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Eerie"

 

"Eerie"

Is Lake Erie all that frightening?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Bond"

 

"Bond"

 

How much was James Bond worth at his maturation date?

Good evening, world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

"Pillow Talk"

 

"Pillow Talk"

If such a thing as pillow talk exists, can you also carry on a conversation with your sheets and blankets?

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Mockingbirds"

 

"Mockingbirds"

When a mocking bird lays an egg is it simply mimicking a chicken?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Intercourse, PA"

 

"Intercourse, PA"

This is true...there is a village in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania named Intercourse, PA. What do they do there for fun? Is their entire economy and industrial complex based solely upon procreation?

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

 

 

"Sardines"

 

"Sardines"

The best sardines definitely come from Portugal. What else 'dey got?  Anything?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Candle"

 

"Candle"

If you're a "candle in the wind"...don't burn our forests down.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Fat Bastard"

 

"Fat Bastard"

If you're a "fat bastard"...who are your parents?

Good Evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Chasm"

 

"Chasm"

"If you intend to jump across a chasm...do it in one long jump...not in 2 short jumps."

                                                                      - author unknown

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Rocks"

 

"Rocks"

Rocks are *hard*; a situation not easy is *difficult*.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Rolls"

 

"Rolls"

When you're on a Roll, would you rather be on a donut?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Light Bulb"

 

"Light Bulb"

If a light bulb goes off, does it have any *!DEA!* why?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                        Shagnasty

"Garden Gnome

 

"Garden Gnome"

Can a Garden Gnome piss on your lawn?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Deja Vu"

 

"Deja Vu"

Have you ever had Deja Vu all over again?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

 

"Waters"

 

"Waters"

Do Oceans and Seas "harbor" contempt for each other?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"On God"

 

"On God"

God is not a genie in a bottle nor is He a vending machine. His miracles are performed at His discretion.

Don't argue with me about such,...take that up with Him, and leave me out of it.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

 

"Federal Reserve"

 

"Federal Reserve"

Since the Federal Reserve is not Federally-owned...whose money are we spending?

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Every Now and Then"

 

"Every Now and Then"

"Every now and then, it's sporadic"

                                                                   -unknown author

Redundant...again?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Monsters"

 

"Monsters"

Do monsters scare each other?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Peanut Butter"

 

"Peanut Butter"

Why doesn't Peanut Butter have any butter in it?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Windex"

 

"Windex"

Can Windex stop a hurricane?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Fly/Ant"

 

"Fly/Ant"

If a fly can fly, can and an ant...ant?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Logic"

 

"Logic"

Does your logic have logistics to back it up?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                      Shagnasty

"Chicken"

 

"Chicken"

Is Chicken of the Sea afraid to go swimming in the ocean?

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

                                                

"Pledge"

 

"Pledge"

If I give you my Pledge will you believe it's true...or would you polish your furniture with it?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                    Shagnasty

"Scot-Free"

 

"Scot-Free"

Being of Scottish ancestry, I've heard it mentioned we are "thrifty"...cheap, actually. What a fabrication. And if you wish to give me your opinion concerning this, let me tell you right now...I won't pay you one bleedin', red cent for your information.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Moon Cheese"

 

"Moon Cheese"

If the Moon is made out of cheese, why haven't we eaten it yet?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Two"

 

"Two"

Two ears, two eyes, two nostrils. Why, only one mouth? Some people, however, DO "talk out their ass".

Good evening, world.

                                                                                     Shagnasty

"Black Eyes"

 

"Black Eyes"

Did Black-eyed Peas lose the fight with other vegetables?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

                        

"Now, you see it...Now, you Don't"

 

"Now, you see it...Now, you Don't"

Shutters = Window Doors. Storm Doors = Door Windows.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Barer of Bad News"

 

"A Barer of Bad News"

A Barer of Bad News is an ugly stripper.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                      Shagnasty

"Paper Mistake"

 

"Paper Mistake"

Toilet Paper, in reality, is Bum Paper.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Monkey Shines"

 

"Monkey Shines"

I've heard of monkey "shines", however, I've never seen a brilliant simian yet.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                    Shagnasty

"Lead"

 

"Lead"

If you are a writing not writing...get the *lead* out!

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Caution Tape"

 

"Caution Tape"

Does Caution Tape ever cause accidents?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

 

"Blame it on Sophocles"

 

"Blame it on Sophocles"

Sophocles, a Greek playwright, penned a script, entitled, "Antigone" in which his character Oedipus had messengers of bad news murdered, hence the modern-day saying, "Don't shoot the messenger." In his "talented fashion", Sophocles, also wrote a work sometimes referred to as "The Idiot and The Oddities". What do you expect from some guy who believed in Zeus and Poseidon?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                         Shagnasty 

"Gunga Din"

 

"Gunga Din"

Did Gunga Din ever get thirsty?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Dime to a Dollar"

 

"Dime to a Dollar'

If I bet you a "dime to a dollar", and I lose...how much money would you collect if I skip town?

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Africa"

 

"Africa"

If there is a "Deepest, Darkest, Africa", is there also a "Shallowest, Brightest" region there?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

                                    

"On Dyng'

 

'"On Dying"

The best part of dying has to be leaving your unpaid bills to people you don't like.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                     Shagnasty

               

"Being Born"

 

"Being Born"

The best part of being born is not, personally, being able to remember the experience.

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Black-eyed Peas"

 

"Black-eyed Peas"

Black-eyes Peas can't see that you are eating them.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Crabs"

 

"Crabs"

A crab in the hand is worth 2 in the bush.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                         Shagnasty

"Zanties in your Panties"

 

"Zanties in your Panties"

Watch the amazing antics of these "adorable" creatures, at Shagnasty's "Funny and/or Interesting Videos" page. They are sure to reach your "outer limits" of inquisitiveness. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2J6MRDBifII

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Spanish Moss"

 

"Spanish Moss"

If your hair looks like "Spanish Moss" today...move to Louisiana and act like a tree.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Don't Lie"

 

"Don't Lie"

You *know*, at least once, you've tried to fart but shit your pants instead. You ain't the Queen of Sheba, and she probably shit herself at least once too. Of course, I never did such a thing, and if I did I sure wouldn't tell you about it.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

 

"Noses"

 

"Noses"

Why aren't clowns noses brown instead of red? When you stick your nose up so many peoples' asses for so long,...umm, brown.

Is it politically incorrect to hate antics of "people" of non-ethnicity? 

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Turkey"

 

"Turkey"

If a woman has "one in the oven" does she birth a "turkey"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                        Shagnasty

"Cloning Clowns"

 

"Cloning Clowns"

Is it true you can clone a clown from a dead person, a piece of horseshit, and raspberry jam?

Good evening, world.

                                                                       Shagnasty

"Seeds"

 

"Seeds"

Does a woman truly get pregnant from eating a watermelon seed?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                    Shagnasty

"Promotional People"

 

"Promotional People"

Be the first "kid on your block" to own a "Promo Sapien'!

Samples of this hybrid species are limited, so order yours today!

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Colors"

 

"Colors"

If Red means Stop, Green means Go, and Yellow means Caution...what the hell does Purple mean?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Phew!"

 

"Phew!"

Humans are the only species which like to smell their own farts.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                     Shagnasty

"Stars"

 

"Stars"

Do Stars have to polish themselves...or do they always shine? And why don't Stars shine in the daylight?...the moon does.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Vitamin Huh?

 

"Vitamin Huh?"

If you can absorb Vitamin D from the Sun...can you absorb Vitamin Y from the Moon?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Old Fart"

 

"Old Fart"

Do your farts stink less as you age...or does your sense of smell simply diminish?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Fruitcake"

 

"Fruitcake"

Is fruitcake *real* or "Memorex"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Bigotry"

 

"Bigotry"

Most bigotry lives behind closed doors...never heard nor seen...but flourishing and festering.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Cat Gut/Calf Skin"

 

"Cat Gut/Calf Skin"

"Catgut"

"Catgut" is a type of chord that is prepared from the natural fibre found in the walls of animal intestines.

                                                                           Catgut - Wikipedia

Catgut is used to make strings for stringed instruments.

Calf Skin drum heads are still in use and may be readily purchased. Cat Gut strings are also readily available for sale.

I'm a percussionist...I use PLASTIC drum heads. I'm a guitar player...I use brass, bronze, and steel guitar strings.

I don't wish to play with dead animals.

"Rock on", assholes who *do* play with dead animals...jackals, all.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

 

"Drumsticks"

 

"Drumsticks"

Do percussionists really use turkey legs to play drums?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Rampant Injustice"

 

"Rampant Injustice"

Keeping a canary in a cage in a mine to detect natural gas leakage is like keep your dog in your basement to detect radon contamination. Not cool, on either count!

Good evening, world.

                                                                      Shagnasty

"Death Options"

 

"Death Options"

At death, do you wish to be buried, cremated, or pureed?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                      Shagansty

"Drops of Discord"

 

"Drops of Discord"

If a gaggle of geese fly overhead, and you look up into the sky at them...keep your mouth SHUT involving such.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                     Shagnasty

"The 6 Stooges"

 

"The 6 Stooges"

"The 3 Stooges" were actually 6 Stooges...Moe, Larry, Curly, Shemp, Curly Joe,...and Curly Joe. They were comprised of Moe Howard, Curly Howard, Larry Fine, Shemp Howard, Joe DeRita, and Joe Besser. They were wonderful morons, to say the least. However, there was never more than 3 Stooges per script/film at a time. 

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Cobbler"

 

"Cobbler"

Did a shoe repairman invent "peach cobbler"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                    Shagnasty

"Sponge"s

 

"Sponge"

The name of a certain sea sponge is spelled...IOUEA. This word has nothing except ALL of the vowels of the alphabet within it. There are words within the English language which possess all of the vowels in order,...here's one...FACETIOUS. Figure out the remainder for yourself...I'm not your mother nor would you want me to be your mother.

Good evening, world.

                                                          Shagnasty

'Bitch/Bastard"

 

"Bitch/Bastard"

Is it possible for a bitch (female dog) to also be a bastard or is that reserved for homo sapiens who are hermaphrodites? 

Good evening, world.

                                                                  Shagnasty

"Is It Any Wonder?"

 

"Is It Any Wonder?"

Is it any wonder when emigrants become immigrants to the USA they can't adjust to our culture, when our words TO, TOO, and TWO all sound identical yet each word has a meaning of its own?

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Pick or Choose"

 

"Pick or Choose"

You may pick a guitar or your nose. Please, however, choose a spouse or a new car, or where you wish to live. Don't be picky...choose.

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Sucker Punch"

 

"Sucker Punch"

Would you "sucker punch" a lollipop if you didn't like its flavor?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Happy Trails"

 

"Happy Trails"

Snails leave "trails"...but to where do those trails lead?

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

Wisdom"

 

"Wisdom"

If wisdom came from *you*, you'd have already known it."

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Not Good"

 

"Not Good"

"Humans and cats are the only species known to torture their victims before killing them."

                                                                  - author unknown

Good evening, world.

                                                                     Shagnasty

              

"Ambiguous"

 

"Ambiguous"

Are you *certain* of the meaning of ambiguous?

Good evening, world.

                                                                        Shagnasty

"Mary Jane"

 

"Mary Jane"

If weed grew on a tree, would you burn that tree down and inhale the fumes or make rope from the hemp?

Good evening, world.

                                                                   Shagnasty

"Smelling"

 

"Smelling"

Smelling another fox's hole always stinks worse than smelling your own hole.

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Old Fart?"

 

"Old Fart?"

Is an "Old Fart", who knows "nothing" worse than a "Young Turd" who knows "everything"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"If so"

 

"If so"

If you were attacked by a "land shark" would you swim in the ocean again?

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Blue/Green"

 

"Blue/Green"

If the sky was green, would the flora be blue?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Spots"

 

"Spots"

Just because you can't change the spots on a leopard doesn't mean you can't change the spots on your underwear.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Which?"

 

"Which?"

Which one of these vintage television shows is your favorite?

"Thriller", "Twilight Zone", "Outer Limits", "One Step Beyond" or

"The Waltons". If you answered "The Waltons", you are in the

"Twilight Zone".

Good evening, world.

                                                                      Shagnasty 

"Might"s

 

"Might"

If you were as small as a mite, wouldn't you be pissed off enough to bite people? You might.

Good evening, world.

                                                                        Shagnasty

"Good Night"

 

"Good Night"

Good night; sleep tight, don't let the trilobites bite.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Dr. Weezer"s

 

"Dr. Weezer"

Dr. Weezer is a fictional character of non-character. Dr. Weezer fancies himself as a trained molecular biologist, family practitioner, homeopathic consultant, zoologist, psychiatrist, psychologist, and cryptozoologist,...although he lacks a degree in anything.

An all-around "know-it-all" (i.e.,"Eenie-Meanie, Chili Beanie"), Dr.Weezer's capable "assistant" is Sparky...he was born brain dead, and proud of it.

Have a seat...the doctor will be with you, shortly. "What?,...Don't call you "shortly"?...

Dr. Weezer's page is listed on Shagnasty.net!!!

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

  

"Windbags"

 

"Windbags"

Are "air bags" installed in vehicles simply a "windbag" of  an invention? Perhaps, "car seats" for adults would be a more viable solution.

Good evening, world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

"Merlin"

 

"Merlin"

It's been said, "Merlin, the Wizard" flunked Magic Card Tricks One.

They say, his magic wand was nothing but an unsalted, pretzel

stick, with all the power of a faulty lawnmower. It's also reported 

the first time he tried to turn lead into gold, he turned the lead

into tofu and keesh. Sheesh.

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Boogie Man's Fare"

 

"Boogie Man's Fare"

Boogie Man's diet found undesirable to all humans, with the exception of certain grade school children.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

       Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

 

"Ghost Scare"

 

"Ghost Scare"

Ghost dies of heart attack after booing self in mirror.

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

"Howdy"

 

"Howdy"

Howdy Doody sent to slaughterhouse due to regional pencil shortage.

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

            Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

"Lived/Loved"

 

"Lived/Loved"

Better to have lived and loved liver and onions than to never have loved liver at all.

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagansty

       Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

"Shrubbery Demise"

 

"Shrubbery Demise"

Shrubberies are nearly in extinction on golf courses due to golfers' outdoor bathroom habits.

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

"Weather Problem"

 

"Weather Problem"

Ninety-three people die due to hypothermia and frostbite caused by "global-warming".

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

 

"Black Cat"

 

"Black Cat"

Don't let a black cat cross your path...if it has diarrhea.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

         Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

                      

"February"

 

"February"

When have you ever used the word "february" when it had nothing to do with that month of the year?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

             Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

"A Penny Saved"

 

"A Penny Saved"

A penny saved is a penny you can't spend on something you want but don't need.

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

              Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

"Stalked"

 

"Stalked"

Have you ever been stalked by celery?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

                   Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

"Stop Garlicism"

 

"Stop Garlicism"

Is "Garlicism" a disease? Someone should invent a breathalyzer test kit for people with Garlicism. If the garlic-eater's breath goes over a reasonable limit, the offender should be placed under house arrest until their garlic level goes down, for crying in a bucket!

And why is it those who consume massive quantities of garlic always feel they should speak to you no further away than 1 inch under your nostrils? P. U.

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

Copyright 2017 David R Moenich

 

 

                                                                             

"Did?"

 

"Did?"

Who grew "illegal drug" plants on this earth? God or man?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Unfair"

 

"Unfair"

Why are male Homosexual criminals forced into prisons consisting of all male inmates, while Lesbians are placed into penal institutions comprised of all females? How about the government opens up prisons for Heterosexuals,...Co-Ed prisons? That seems only fair.

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Drive-In Theatre"

 

"Drive-In Theatre"

If you drive into a drive-in theatre, are you allowed to drive back out?

Good evening, world.

                                                                        Shagnasty

"Morbidity"

 

"Morbidity"

Morbidity lacks ambivalence.

Good evening, world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

"Poe"

 

"Poe"

Would Edgar Allen Poe have been jeopardizing his integrity had he penned, "Quoth, the Chipmunk,...Nevermore."?

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty 

"Raisin Head"

 

"Raisin Head"

Who keeps their dead, raisin-faced mother in a fruit cellar...for crying out loud? You'd have to be *psycho* to do such a thing.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

'Drive-Thru"

 

"Drive-thru"

"Drive-Thru"

Why do you get arrested for driving through a drive-thru restaurant?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

'Obelisk"

 

"Obelisk"

Was the Washington Monument made to honor our first president, George Washington,...or was this monolith erected within sympathy for lonely women?

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

'Roses Are Red"

 

"Roses Are Red"

Roses are Red;

Violets are Blue;

I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.

                                                                            - Author Unknown

Good evening, world.            

                                                  Shagnasty

Lime in the Coconut"

 

"Lime in the Coconut"

"Put the lime in the coconut"                        - Harry Nilsson

Tell you what, Harry,...if you lived in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, you might put a shot of whiskey in a glass of beer, call it a "boiler-maker", and forget all about the tropics, dude.

Good evening, world.

                                                                      Shagnasty

"At What Cost?"

 

"At What Cost?"

"Anything which jeopardizes the sacred rights of another is illicit pleasure."                                                 - author unknown

Oscar Wilde's quotes are quite inspiring...i.e., "I can resist anything but temptation.", and "Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."

This Oscar Wilde quote belongs *here*,..."As terrible as what I did to others is not as terrible as what I did to myself."

"Who you hurt, hurts yourself far beyond your intended infliction of another."                                - David R Moenich 

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"If"

 

"If"

If your big nose matches your ears, it's time to get younger.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"I Love Animals"

 

"I Love Animals"

I love animals,...especially, when they're barbecued on the grill.

Face it...we're at the top of the food chain. Tell that to a hungry Lion or Grizzly Bear. Talk some sense into them; they should know their *place*.

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Reality Shows"

 

"Reality Shows"

Reality Shows are surreal...not real.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                       Shagnasty

"Vegetable Appendages"

 

"Vegetable Appendages"

If you can grow corns on your feet, can you grow beans on your hands?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Colorado Oysters"

 

"Colorado Oysters"

Do you have the balls to eat "Colorado Oysters"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Dainty Dish"

 

"Dainty Dish"

"Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie; wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king".

Excuse me...fire the cook. Everyone knows, Starlings taste better.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Soylent Green"

 

"Soylent Green"

If Soylent Green is, in actuality, chopped and formed Homo sapien...such is disturbing. I've often wondered about Pot Pies.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Maypo"

 

"Maypo"

Is Maypo maple-flavored poop? Has the public been hoodwinked?

Simply, scandalous. What a shitty thing to set before the king.

Good evening, world.

                                                                       Shagnasty

"Sun/Moon"

 

"Sun/Moon"

The Sun illuminates the Moon. What illuminates the Sun? 

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"S.O.S"

 

"S.O.S."

Is the distress signal, S.O.S. (Save Our Souls) spelled that way for the sake of the dyslexic?

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

 

"Grim Reaper"s

 

"Grim Reaper"

Can you buy off the Grim Reaper by offering him a brand new, shiny scythe, or maybe giving him everyone in the neighborhood in exchange for your life? Perhaps, if you offer him a CD copy of the song, "Don't Fear The Reaper" by Blue Oyster Cult, he'd let you off of his "hook"? Doubt it.

The reaper is a "whacker".

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty 

 

 

"Fawn"

 

"Fawn"

Does Bambi fawn over anybody or anything?

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Could?"

 

"Could?"

Could Deputy Dog or Quick Draw McGraw beat the snot out of Yosemite Sam? Not a chance! "Whoa, horse, whoa!"

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty 

"Psychoactive Toads"s

 

"Psychoactive Toads"

Maybe, if the federal government would legalize marijuana, people might stop licking psychoactive toads, i.e., Bufo alvarius. You do not want to ingest hallucinogenic tryptamines! Don't be a butt-munch, and risk death to get high! I'm sure you can find better, safe things to lick. Am I right?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                     Shagnasty

"Games"

 

"Games"

Ouija boards are portals to evil. Do not "play" with them! You don't want shit in your life you didn't invite. This is a serious statement.

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Kaleidoscope"

 

"Kaleidoscope"

Is a kaleidoscope a cheap representation of "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds"?

Good evening, world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

'Sitcoms"

 

"Sitcoms"

Situation "comedies" are immorality "humor". Matriarchy and disrespect of husbands abounds. Even for the quest of laughter, that garbage can't make me crack a smile.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Stepford"

 

"Stepford"

What's so bad about a Stepford Wife?. No muss; no fuss. Easy, peazy, lemon-squeazy!

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Clefs"

 

"Clefs"

There are 3 Clefs in a Stave (5 lines = E G B D F). The Spaces are F A C E. The 3 Clefs are G C F. You don't require clefs if you can play by ear.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Ju-Ju"

 

"Ju-Ju"

Whoever invented "Gummy candy" should be prosecuted and persecuted for defiling Ju-Ju candy! Ju-Ju rules; Gummy sucks.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty 

"Donuts"

 

"Donuts"

Why do donuts make Crystal Gayle's eyes blue?

"Donuts make my brown eyes blue"                - Art Kuespert

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Why?"

 

"Why?'

Why is Greenland icy, and Iceland is green?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Poles"

 

"Poles"

Why are there no POLES at the North Pole or the South Pole? How about giving us a stick, a tree limb, a branch?...something!...so we'll know when we get there? I'd imagine Santa Claus is pissed-off at such. So are we!

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"ssapmoC"

 

"ssapmoC"

If a dyslexic person is lost in the woods, and their compass reads

"N", for North, would they find their way home?

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty 

"Equator"

 

"Equator"

What does the equator equate? Is it the mediator of equality?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Clowns"

 

"Clowns"

Clowns only make me laugh when they're dead.

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

"Nut Shell"

 

"Nut Shell"

"That's it in a nut shell." What does this saying convey? What's *it*? Some bleedin', blessed peanuts have 3 nuts inside of their shell. Do we have to play the "shell game" to figure out what *it* is?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty 

"Turds"

 

"Turds"

Does a "turd going east" have a different attitude than a "turd going west"? Also, do "turds" travel north or south, and, if so, what do they wish to accomplish?

"A fart in the wind" comes to mind here, as well.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Flake, Drop"

 

"Flake, Drop"

Why are no two snowflakes alike? And are raindrops equally as illusive, aggravating, and obnoxious, to say nothing of nipples?

A quandary of contemplation, at best.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Who Hears?"

 

"Who Hears?"

Question:

If a tree falls in the forest with no one around to hear it fall, does it create a sound? If the falling tree makes not a sound because no one is there to listen, then, if you argue with your spouse when no one is around to observe the verbal disagreement...does anyone hear that argument?

Answer:

Only if you live in an apartment building.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

 

"Prismbow"

 

"Prismbow"

If you turn a prism upside-down, are the colors of the rainbow you view reversed?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Latin"

 

"Latin"

Latin is all Greek, to me.

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

"Mexican Standoff"

 

"Mexican Standoff"

A Mexican Standoff is when your jumping beans refuse to jump for you.

Good evening, world.

                                                                     Shagnasty

"Icicle"

 

"Icicle"

If an icicle falls from your eaves, and shatters on the ground, would you pronounce it dead?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

Huh?"

 

"Huh?"

Does a midget dwarf a hobbit?

Good evening, world.

                                                                               Shagnasty

"Idiom"

 

"Idiom"

"You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar". So much

for this idiom. I suggest a fly swatter.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                    Shagnasty

"Electricity"

 

"Electricity"

If electricity shocks you, can you sue it?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty

"Metamorphosis"

 

"Metamorphosis"

If a tadpole turns into frog, and a caterpillar turns into a butterfly,

and a meal worm turns into a beetle, and a maggot larvae turns

into a fly,...can a monkey morph into an elephant?

That would be shape-shifting at its best.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Alchemist"

 

"Alchemist"

If you were an alchemist, would you turn gold into silver?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

"Christmas Trees"

 

"Christmas Trees"

If  light bulbs grew on pine trees, we wouldn't have to decorate an evergreen for the holidays.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                      Shagnasty

"How Warped?"

 

"How Warped?"

Just how warped are you? Choose one of these publications as a

representative of your psyche: Mad Magazine, Cracked Mazagine,

National Lampoon, Zap Comic Books, or The Wall Street Journal.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty 

"Mars Attacks"s

 

"Mars Attacks"

If you watch the movie, "Mars Attacks", notice Slim Whitman's

music caused the Martians heads to explode. Perhaps, we might

hire Slim to do the same thing to North Korea and Isis.

"Deputy Doofie" might assist in this project if he can refrain from

pooping his pants.

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Pi"

 

"Pi"

 

If you have an apple Pi, and you eat half of it...., do you then

have 1.570795 of an entire Pi...or did someone else eat the

remainder of said Pi? In such a case, your equation cannot

remain mathematical constant.

 

Good evening, world.

                                                                                 Shagnasty 

"Wasted Time"

 

 

 

"Wasted Time"

 

"Bars" and "measures" are synonymous with each other, in music.

 

My complaint is with those who contrived time signatures, as

such, which are accepted as FACT.

 

Examples follow:

2/4 Time and Cut Time equal 1/2 of 4/4 Time.

3/4 Time can be subjected to 6/8 Time by manipulating 3/4

Time.

3/4 Time and 4/4 Time have their place, and that is fine. Leave 

them alone. 2/2 Time is simply half of 4/4 Time. Why bother

changing and splitting and adding?

 

Tell you what...I'll give your four silver quarters for a dollar.

Give me 4 quarter-notes for a whole note, and be on your way.

I'll even accept 3 quarter-notes, and you can keep the change.

 

 

Good evening. world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

 

 

"Wiping"

 

"Wiping"

If good production of a shitty song creates a good song...then, 

wiping your ass makes your ass not stink anymore.

Good Evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty

"Paper"

 

"Paper"

If trees were made of paper, it would make things a lot easier.

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

 

"2+2"

 

"2+2"

2 + 2 = 22

Good evening, world.

                                                                        Shagnasty

"Wishful Thinking"

 

"Wishful Thinking"

Wishful thinking is like pipe dream spelunking.

Good evening, world.

                                                                       Shagnasty

"Frig"

 

 

"Frig"

A refrigerator without electricity is like an oven having a bad hair day.

 

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

"Which is More Intelligent?"

 

"Which is More Intelligent?"

Dogs will eat cat shit. Cats will not eat dog shit.

Dogs roll around in anything that smells bad. Cats will not even 

use a dirty litter box.

Dogs are always loyal to their owner. Cats couldn't give a rat's

ass about their owner unless they want something.

Cats win, hands down.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Sahganasty 

 

"Which One?"

 

"Which One?"

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"Out of sight, out of mind."

Which one suits your particular situation?

Good evening. world.

                                                                         Shagnasty

"Shriveling"

 

"Shriveling"

Grapes are to raisins, as Plums are to prunes, as being 20 years old is to being 100 years old.

Shrivel well, younz.

                                    Good evening, world.

                                                                                   Shagnasty

 

 

"umm..."

 

"Umm"

Smoke comes before fire, as a fart comes before shit."

Good evening, world.

                                                                                      Shagnasty

"Dat's"

 

"Dat's"

So this little kid's dad comes home and scold's his child, asking him, "Did you poopy on the floor again?!". The kid replies, "No, doggy did it." Then, the kid points to another pile of poop on the floor, and tells his father, "Dat's 'da one 'um did."

                                                                           - National Lampoon

Good evening, world.

                                                       Shagnasty

                                                                                                                   

"Ripe"

 

"Ripe"

Is it worse for a man to tell his woman she smells like a rancid mackerel...or is it worse for a woman to tell her man he is a stinking, piece of shit?

Whoever is the least "ripe" wins.

Good evening, world.

                                                                          Shagnasty 

"Which is Worse?'

 

"Which is Worse?"

Which is most rude to do in public? Burp, Fart, or Pick your nose and Eat it?

"Food for Thought."

Good evening, world.

                                                                        Shagnasty

'Loss"

 

"Loss"

"If you're at a loss for words, your words are at a loss for you."

Good evening, world.

                                                                                     Shagnasty

"Rottenness"

 

"Rottenness"

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,

But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones."

                                                               - The Bible (Proverbs 12:4)

                                                                                            (NKJV)

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugliness is to the bone."

                                                                - Author Unknown

"There's all kinds of ugliness, and all of that ugliness leads back to greed and self-centered actions."

                                                                - David R Moenich

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                           

                         

"Penny"

 

 

                                                                           

"Smoking"

 

"Smoking"

"Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times"

                                                                            - Mark Twain

Good evening, world.

                                            Shagnasty

"Monkeys"

 

"Monkeys"

The saying,"That's a barrel of monkeys." That is supposed to refer to something humorous. What the hell is so funny about a barrel of monkeys? 

Or a bagful of parakeets? Tell, me, please.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

"Wish"

 

"Wish"

Wish in one hand, and shit in the other hand...and see which one gets filled faster.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

"Mortality"

 

"Mortality"

Mortality isn't an option.

Good evening, world.

                                                                  Shagnasty

                                                                   

"Blue"

 

"Blue"


Truth. As my deceased, left-handed, color-blind friend used to say, "Blue is the international color of "cool". True. R.I.P, "Ape", my friend.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

 

 

REMEMBER

 

"Remember"

Guys, the first 3 things a woman says to you, when you're involved in a relationship with her, are blatant lies.

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

Funny & Weird

 

Growing up reading MAD Magazine and Cracked Mazagine, it's no wonder this would happen to me.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                  Shagnasty

Moneys

 

It takes dough, to make some bread.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                Shagnasty

Aliens

 

When citizens of our world travel to the Moon or Mars are we then aliens...or just visiting home?

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

Ancestory

 

If Julio Iglesias (Spanish) and his brother Do Ho (Hawaiian) are really Italians, does that mean Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash are Chinese?

Good evening, world.

                                                                                    Shagnasty

Triplets?

 

Are Larry, from the 3 Stooges, Ringo of the Beatles, and Yasir Arafat triplets or are they all the same person?  

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

Paul

 

If Paul McCartney is dead, then, why doesn't he stop performing live? Maybe, somebody should tell him.

Good evening, world.

                                                                            Shagnasty

"Dinosaur"

 

The largest "dinosaur" living within the world of literature, hopefully close to extinction, is the superficial T-Ext. 

Good evening, world.

                                                                             Shagnasty

Permamnents?

 

Permanents, for the hair, are temporary.

Good evening, world.

                                                                           Shagnasty

Hole

 

A hole-in-one isn't always a good thing. Consider the possibilities, concerning relationships and accidents.

Maintenence

 

Life might appear a monotonous series of maintenance procedures.

When you get everything done, you're done.

Good evening, world.

                                                                                      Shagnasty

WELCOME TO SHAGNASTY TM SM!!!

 

Welcome to Shagnasty TM SM!

This blog is dedicated to the absurd lunacy of humankind of which I am sometimes an integral cog within the works.

Feel free to banter, concerning the ridiculous and ludicrous as it applies to "the state of the human union". 

Good evening, world.

                                                                              Shagnasty

 

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